Nationals have a guy named Carpenter

About a week ago (maybe it was more idk) the Nationals acquired a guy named David Carpenter. The funny thing about this is that David Carpenter has a last name that could be a job title for someone who works with wood (remember Jesus from the bible? supposedly he was a carpenter). Now I have no idea if Dave Carpenter has ever shown an interest in wood but I have got to think that he would be good at it if he gave it the old college try.

If you’re still with me then brace yourself because this gets more interesting. There was a musical group called the Carpenters. They consisted of Karen and Richard Carpenter (so that’s where the name comes from if you were wondering) and they were active during the 70s and their music could be called soft rock or easy listening (somebody get pitchfork on the line! i’m not a music expert–don’t sue me) If you can believe it, David Carpenter seems to have no connection to the Carpenters. He is not the son of Karen and Richard Carpenter. Why is this notable? They share a last name, yet no relation. That is very unusual in modern American society or any society for that matter.

Now, before continuing I must reassure you…yes, everything you’ve read up to this point is true. This is real life. I just wanted to say that before we venture forward and unpack this whole thing even further.

David Carpenter was born in the 1980s. He wasn’t the only Carpenter making headlines during that decade however. Ever heard of John Carpenter? Go get the microwave popcorn ready and settle in because I’m about to tell you just who the fuck John Carpenter is. John Carpenter is a guy who directed numerous movies, most notably in the 1980s. The 1980s, hmm…that sounds familiar. Why? Because that’s when David Carpenter was born! I just told you that. Was David Carpenter’s birth used as a plot device in any of John Carpenter’s films? Nope. That’s what’s so freaky about this whole Carpenter thing. David Carpenter has absolutely nothing to do with John Carpenter, just as he had nothing to do with the Carpenters or carpenters in general.

There is nothing about David Carpenter that suggests his last name should be Carpenter. And yet there he is.david carpenterHe exists. His name is Carpenter. I guess it’s a damn good thing my heart is made of wood then, isn’t it? Until next time folks, this is your humble blog creator signing off.

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Some years ago, the powers that be decided to make a commercial for the playoffs that MLB holds every year to crown its champion. The commercial made was fast-paced. There’s Albert Pujols ready to bat! Here’s Cliff Lee ready to look in for a sign from his catcher! Oh, it’s David Ortiz at the plate! Now Brian Wilson is going crazy! Because MLB wanted this commercial to go viral, they used trendy music to make it as fresh as possible. The song in the commercial was “Written in the Stars” by Tinie Tempah, who is or maybe was a British rapper according to Wikipedia. 

Written in the stars, a million miles away…seasons come and go, but I will never change, and I’m on my way

Those lyrics perfectly encapsulated the spirit of MLB at the time. Even today, I can imagine Bud Selig listening to this song on his iPod using Beats by Dre over-ear headphones. Last year, the media gurus at MLB tried to replicate the success and a similarly styled commerical was made. The song in last year’s commercial was “Land of Hope and Dreams” by Bruce SPringsteen. The commercial ended with the words “This Trainnn” and kind of like metaphor where boarding “the train” was sitting down and watching postseason baseball games on TBS. This year’s commercial has the song “My Songs Know what you did in the Dark (Light Em Up)” By Fall Out Boy. Idk why this song was chosen as it doesn’t pertain to MLB’s ideals in my honest opinon. Nevertheless, hearing the song got me to thinking about what song might be in next year’s MLB postseason on TBS commercial.

Here are 5 songs that I think would be good picks:


This song is as AMerican as they come and after all baseball is America’s national pastime. And wasn’t America once the final frontier?

I can’t imagine a better commercial then this song being played over ominous shots of Joe Maddon inspecting his lineup card, Andretlton Simmons conspiring with Elliott Johnson about covering second base on a stolen base attempt, Rick Honeycutt slowly walking out to the mound to talk to a struggling pitcher…the possibllities are endless.


Before you jump on my case and call me a lamestream loser for picking this 2003 hit, hear me out. We all know that baseball is as popular as ever as evidenced by MLB Fan Cave, but that doesnt’ mean MLB shouldnt be in the business of appealing to more people, right?

Bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce bounce– the sweet sound of groundballs going through a MLB infield.

SAME LOVE- Macklemore

This is kind of like part 2 to the one above this vis-a-vis appealing to more people. As far as we know 0% of MLBers are gay. Undoubtedly there are gay people who play baseball and MLB would be doing itself a big favor by tapping into this talent stream. Speaking of streams, social media streams would be buzzing for sure if MLB picked this song. Macklemore is white hot right now.

I envision this song playing over highlights exclusively of Yunel Escobar. In the third grade I thought that I was gay- Escobar laying out for a groundball. Aww nah here we go America the brave still fears what we don’t know- Escobar diving headfirst into first base. No freedom til we’re equal damn right I support it- Escobar laying down a bunt.

THE WAY IT IS- Bruce Hornsby

I’m not sure why MLB hasn’t already used this song in a commercial. Bruce Hornsby is singing about baseball when he sings, That’s just the way it is. Some things will never change. Forget the lyrics, though. You could just set the rollicking piano melody to clips of infielders making great defensive plays and boom you’ve got an Emmy award winning commercial.

HURT- Nine Inch Nails

What a coincidence that this song is by the NINE inch nails and there are NINE positions on a baseball team. No it’s actually not a coincidence. Nine Inch Nails is a band that values baseball and their name reflects that fact. That’s the reason why I think this song would be a good #pick.

It doesn’t HURT that this song is almost as intense as the MLB postseason on TBS. And god knows Skip Schumaker can relate to the lyrics, Everyone I know goes away in the end…I will let you down, I will make you hurt.

What do you guys think?

What song do you associate with baseballs?

What is the greatest song of all time?

Is baseball a sport that can truly lay claim to the title of America’s nationals pastime when there are other popular sports?

What do you guys think of the contrast between the warmness of good music and the coldness of tv advertising?

In our social media age, do tv commercials matter or are they soon to be as obselete as telegrams?

Are twitter hashtags a valid form of expression or do they obfuscate our capability to interact?

How mny US dollars would you be willing to pay for a ticket to a baseball game?

Repliy to questions in the commnt section.

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Rooting guide for the MLB Playoffs 2013 edition.

If you’re a baseball fan, then you probably have one team you like more than any other or you at least have some preferences vis-a-vis baseball teams and/or baseball. I think it was old timer Nap Lajoie who once said, “If you don’t have a favorite team, root for Cleveland.” Well, the INdians lost the AL Wild Card game last night, so you can’t do that (Thanks for nothin Nap!). But there are at least 4 teams in the MLB Playoffs that start tonight with the Divional Serieses. That might seem like alot and you might be overwhelmed with the task of deciding who to root for. If you are indeed feeling overwhelmed, then don’t worry. You’ve come to the right internet web site. I’m going to help you sort through the propaganda and decide who to root for.

But first, a word of advice for all those whose favorite teams failed to make the postseason. You need to find closure before you can watch the playoffs. You don’t want to be in the middle of watching a Daniel Nava at-bat and feel tears rushing on or a pit of depression opening up deep inside you. Believe me, you’ll get some looks (if you have friends or people nearby at the time). So here’s what I propose: Make a youtube video (like a vine but without the 6 second time limit) where you splice together some footage of your team’s play from this season and as far as music goes, I suggest “Good Riddance (Time of your Life).” Share the video you make with friends and family (again, if you don’t have friends, that’s ok) and this will allow you to move past the sadness of your team’s failed 2013 campaign. Now you’re ready to enjoy the 2013 postseason on TBS.

Pittsburgh Pirates vs. St. Louis Cardinals on TBS. 


Who the teams are: The Pirates are a team that is good for the first time in like forever. The Cardinals are a team that’s always good and used to have a shortstop who did backflips on the field.

Key players:

For the Pirates- Jose Tabata, Mark Melancon, Jason Grill.

For the Cardinals- Matt Adams, David Freeze, Ed Mujica.

Who you should root for: The Pirates. If you’re coming here to decide who to root for in the playoffs then you’re not ready to join the ranks of the best fans in baseball (Cardnel’s fans). If the opposing pitcher’s first or last name is two syllables then make sure to taunt him by chanting his name. That is a thing you do if you’re rooting for the Pirates and if your friends or family ask you to shut up then tell them you can’t because you’re rooting for the Pirates.

Los Angeles Dodgers vs. Atlanta Braves on TBS.


Who the teams are: The Dodgers are a team owned by former basketball player Magic Johnson and he’s working his “Magic” on the baseball diamond now. The Braves are a team that knows how other teams should play the game the right way.

Key players: 

For the dodgers- Yasiel Pug, Juan Uribe, D. Gordon.

For the Braves- Brian McCann, Freddy Garcia, Andrew Simmons.

Who you should root for: The DOdgers. I wanna say the Braves because look at that sweet logo. But look at this series as the War of Western Aggression. The Dogers are gonna march in to Atlanta and figuratively torch the place. Balls are gonna be flying off of Dodger bats and outta Turner Park like cannonballs. The Dodgers are gonna have the Braves waving the white flag before they know what hit ’em.

Tampa Bay Rays vs. Boston Red Sox on TBS. 


Who the teams are: The Rays are a team named for a type of line that is finite in one direction. The Red Sox are a team where an unusually high number of the players have beards.

Key players: 

For the Rays —> Yunel Escobar, Luke Scott, Josh Lueke.

For the Red Sox- Brandon Workman, Dan Butler, Manny Ramirez.

Who you should root for: The Red Sox. If you have no qualms about weird wusses and pitchers illegally using pine tar, then be my quest and root for the Rays! But if you wanna be cool, root for the Red Sox.

Detroit Tigers vs. Oakland Athletics on TBS. 


Who the teams are: The Tigers are a team that is boring. The Athletics are a team that sometimes is called the A’s and I was on the A’s in machine pitch. I played left-center field better than anyone. Couldn’t figure out the machine tho. I blame the yellow balls.

Key players: 

For the Tigers- Drew Smyly, Doug Fister, Enrique Iglesias.

For the A’s- Jarrod Parker, Brandon Moss, Josh Riddick.

Who you should root for: The A’s. Look, if anybody wanted to watch the Tigers, they’d have voted for em to be on Dancing With The Stars, am I rite? The A’s are a team oozing with multicultural talent. They’ve got Yoenis Cespedes (Cuba), Derek Norris (American), Grant Balfour (New Zealand), Bartolo Colon (Dominican), and Albert Callaspo (Venezuela). The A’s clubhouse is filled with joeys and wallabies and Viva Chavez! paraphernalia. You just don’t see that in other MLB clubhouses or treehouses.

So now you know who to root for. Don’t worry tho. It doesn’t really matter who you root for. When you’re on your deathbed you’re not going to be thinking about the 2013 mlb playoffs, unless you played in them and did something that defined your career maybe. Just try to watch the playoff games with your mind at ease and distracted from the hard realities of the world. Use the games as an escape. Ford Escape. Harrison Ford.

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Who wore it better NATIONALS edition!

In the media sometimes they look at two celebrities and think to themselves, “Who wore clothes better?” For instance, if Chevy Chase and Bruce Springsteen wear the same leather jacket at a press junket or any other kind of junket or anywhere, the media will say, “Who wore the leather jacket better?” as a way of asking who looks better in the leather jacket, Chevy Chase or Bruce Springsteen. This is always fun and so I think it is high time we try this same kinda thing with the Nationals.

First up…



Tyler Moore and Ross Detwiler are both sporting this red and gray shirt. It looks pretty good on Tyler Moore. We can’t see as much of Ross Detwiler. Winner: Tyler Moore.

Next up…



Ian Desmond and Ryan Zimmerman’s heads are both adorned with red hats. The hats both have curly W’s on them. Desmond’s hat has a flatter brim and it appears to be askew. Zimmerman is smiling for the cameras when he should be playing baseball. Winner: Ian Desmond.

Next up…



Rafael Soriano and Wilson Ramos are both wearing the home whites. Soriano is wearing a shirt and tie underneath his jersey and has a sweet watch on his wrist. Winner: Rafael Soriano.

And finally…



Erik Davis and Tyler Clippard are both wearing some sort of vision-enhancing eyewear. They look pretty similar to me. Winner: Idk. Tie.

So there you have it. The Nationals may not have won enough games to get to the postseason, but they certainly wore clothing both on and off the field. Btw thanks to google for providing the images used in this web log post.

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What if Ray Knight is named manager of the Washington Nationals?

Some people look at the Washington Nationals and ask why. Ray Knight looks at the Washington Nationals and asks why not (Shakespeare reference). While the pundits and the prognosticators say that Randy Knorr or Matt Williams or even Iron Giant Cal Ripken Jr. are the top names to become the next manager of the Nationals, an anonymous source with knowledge of the Nationals’ existence has indicated to me that Ray Knight is Mike Rizzo’s “dream choice” to become the next skipper of the ol’ ball club. What does this mean for you and your family? Read ahead to find out.

Things that will happen once Ray Knight is announced as the manager of OUR Washington Nationals:

  • In his introductory press conference, Manager Knight will call upon the Redskins to change their team name. Dan Snyder will oblige immediately and rename the football team the Washington Knights. Popular quarterback RGIII will drop all of his numerous endorsement deals and will appear in advertisements touting the upcoming managerial tenure of Ray Knight.
  • Manager Knight will appear at the baseball winter meetings and will meet one-on-one with the “Flyin’ Cuban,” Jose Abreu. Knight will singlehandedly negotiate Abreu’s contract and then insist on driving Abreu straight to DC from the winter meetings in his 2003 Mazda Protege. Knight and Abreu will retrace the route of Abraham Lincoln’s train ride from Springfield, Ill. to DC that he took before his inauguration in 1861. Upon arriving in DC, Knight will arrange for a staged photo op where he and Abreu recreate the Iwo Jima picture except this time there are two flags! An American one being devotedly hoisted up by Knight and a Cuban one being held reluctantly by Abreu. Knight will be criticized for his utilization of Abreu both on offense and defense throughout 2014.
  • When Brian McCann of the Atlanta Braves makes comments during the offseason about how easy it was for the Braves to win the division in 2013 and how the Nationals didn’t pose any kind of challenge to them, Manager Knight will respond by threatening McCann’s life and this will result in a media controversy.

    Managerial material?

    Managerial material.

  • Asked for his thoughts about #Natitude, Manager Knight will tell reporters, “Well partner, no doubt about it. The thing about being in baseball all these years is ya just gotta have that attitude of a bull, ya gotta be at the park thanking your lucky stars you’re here and it ain’t too much about whether you’re good or not, it’s just who has that inside of ’em that makes ’em go.”
  • Manager Knight will announce that he wants Chad Tracy to be his player-bench coach in 2014 despite Tracy having signed a minor league contract with an invitation to spring training with the Chicago Cubs days earlier. A dejected Knight will then announce that he has chosen former Nats Xtra cohort Phil Wood to be his bench coach. In his introductory press conference, Wood will make an analogy between the state of the Nationals in 2014 and the state of the Washington Senators in 1924 that goes on for 17 minutes and reporters will question why a press conference is being held to introduce the team’s bench coach.
  • The Shake Shack at Nationals Park will be replaced with a Shoney’s.
  • Manager Knight will offend every player on the Nationals except Steve Lombardozzi by saying that Steve Lombardozzi is the best player on the Nationals.
  • The Nationals will win over 110 games and the World Series in 2014 and Manager Knight will receive a 14 year contract extension with a mutual option for a 15th year. Upon completion of his contract, Knight will be unanimously elected to the Hall of Fame. At Knight’s suggestion, the Nationals will retire his number in a ceremony emceed by the man he once tabbed to be his player-bench coach, Chad Tracy. Not having done that kind of thing before, Tracy doesn’t do a great job and the ceremony is not well orchestrated. But his number is still retired.

There are a lot of names being bandied about when it comes to who will be the next manager of the Nationals. Some are even saying Davey Johnson could rise from his grave to manage again. All I know is, keep an ear to the ground to the eye on Ray Knight. He could very well be the name that’s drawn out of the proverbial hat at the end of the day. And for that, we’d all be so fortunate, I’d say. Or in the words of Machiavelli:

Tis not in the souls of royalty nor in the hearts of the legatees of high society to protect the commoners from the hand of God. Only a Knight can do that. 

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